Sunday, March 22, 2009,11:19 AM
What is true love?
*1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (New Living Translation)
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
歌 林 多 前 書 13:4-7 (Chinese Union Version (Simplified))
4 爱 是 恒 久 忍 耐 ， 又 有 恩 慈 ； 爱 是 不 嫉 妒 ； 爱 是 不 自 夸 ， 不 张 狂 ， 5 不 做 害 羞 的 事 ， 不 求 自 己 的 益 处 ， 不 轻 易 发 怒 ， 不 计 算 人 的 恶 ， 6 不 喜 欢 不 义 ， 只 喜 欢 真 理 ； 7 凡 事 包 容 ， 凡 事 相 信 ， 凡 事 盼 望 ， 凡 事 忍 耐 。
However, the effects of love busters are Abusive, Controlling and Habit pattern.
In a marriage, it will take out the two sides to a person; a “Giver” and a “Taker”.
Attributes of a Giver:
- I will do whatever I can to benefit you even when I am unhappy.
- Love unconditionally.
Attributes of a Taker:
- I will do whatever I can to benefit myself even when you are unhappy.
3 different stages of marriage:
Intimacy – the love feeling is so intense that both of you will do anything just to make each other happy. =)
- Giver
- Love
Conflict – the love feeling went down and both of you just want take what you want just to make yourself happy.
- Taker
- Fights
Withdrawal – the love feeling is no more there and because of you are tired of fighting already, you both just decided not to be bothered about each other and live a separate life.
- Taker
- Give up
6 Love Busters
1) Selfish demands (abusive and controlling)
1 Corinthians 13:5 (New Living Translation)
5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.
“Policy of Joint Agreement”
Never do anything without an ENTHUSIASTIC AGREEMENT between you and your spouse.
- When you are enthusiastic means you are happy to do; it will help increase love units in each other’s Love Bank account if both of you do it.
So instead of making Selfish demands you should make “Thoughtful Requests”.
Thoughtful -> Considerate, you think for the person
Requests -> Ready to accept “no” as an answer.
2) Disrespectful Judgments
“Respectful Persuasion”
- Love your neighbor as yourself.
- Allow yourself to be persuasion back.
3) Angry outburst
- Angry outburst aims to PUNISH!
How to deal with Angry outburst?
a) Acknowledge
b) Recognize
c) Policy of Joint Agreement
d) Avoid Love Buster 1 and 2
- Never lose your temper on your spouse
With Love, ♥
★ Annabelle ★
★ Annabelle ★
Sunday, March 1, 2009,1:11 AM
Woman
#4 Need of woman Financial Support
*1Tim 5:8
8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
提摩太前書 5:8
8 人若不看顾亲属，就是背了真道，比不信的人还不好，不看顾自己家里的人，更是如此。
- every woman needs enough money to live comfortably.
*Pro 12:9
9 Better is the one who is slighted but has a servant, Than he who honors himself but lacks bread.
箴言 12:9
9 被人轻贱，却有仆人，强如自尊，缺少食物。
- women want to have the choice of being a housewife or a career woman after being married.
3 Basic Budget for Every Couple
a) What you Need
b) What you Want
c) What you can Afford
- husbands should at least provide for the basic needs not having the wives to work; husbands basic salary should cover (a).
- love takes afford
- God give man work before giving them wife.
- no money; no honey
Man
#4 Need of man Domestic Support
- peace and quiet (home should be a safe refuge)
*Pro 17:1
1 Better is a dry morsel with quietness, Than a house full of feasting[a]with strife.
箴言 17:1
1 设筵满屋，大家相争，不如有块乾饼，大家相安。
- peace of mind
*Titus 2:4-5
4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
提多書 2:4-5
4 好指教少年妇人，爱丈夫，爱儿女，5 谨守，贞洁，料理家务，待人有恩，顺服自己的丈夫，免得神的道理被毁谤。
- keep a good house
How to manage domestic issues
a) List
- list down the chores for both man and woman
b) Fair division of labour
- neither one should do more
- if money is required to maintain the fair amount of labour do it (especially when you can afford it)
c) Deposit love units
- do things to spark that loving feeling.
Woman
#5 Need of woman Family Commitment
- man should be a good father to the children
What do woman means by Family Commitment?
Man should
a) spend lots of time with the children (15hrs/week)
- quality family time
b) have proper parenting skills
- parenting is not an instinct
c) have wise discipline of the children
- discipline is not the same as punishment.
- punishment is for sins.
- discipline is training for the future.
*Eph 6:4
4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
以弗所書 6:4
4 你们作父亲的，不要惹儿女的气，只要照着主的教训和警戒养育他们。
- don't exasperate (don't make unreasonable demand in correcting your kids)
Man
#5 Need of man Admiration
*Eph 5:33 (AMP)
33 However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [[a]that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and [b]that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. [I Pet. 3:2.]33However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [[a]that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and [b]that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. [I Pet. 3:2.]
以弗所書 5:33
33 然而，你们各人都当爱妻子，如同爱自己一样。妻子也当敬重他的丈夫。
- admiration builds a man up.
- wife, be your husband's greatest fan.
- behind every man there's an admirer woman.
This is the end of the CARE part of the whole relationship series of our beloved Pastor Kong Hee. He will be continuing to share on the PROTECT part. This is where how couples can protect their relationship against affairs...
So far I learnt a lot during this period of time, it really impacted me especially when I am able to relate to them. I guess this is all part of growing up ba. We learn things the most when problems come. We learn to treasure when we lose them or knowing that we are losing them. Through all the things that we go through, we learn and become stronger. Don't fall and sit there, fall and stand up again. We all make mistake, just learn from them and don't repeat...
With Love, ♥
★ Annabelle ★
★ Annabelle ★